In January 2010 FHM was in the throes of celebrating our tenth birthday. And what better way to do so than letting FHM’s smouldering sex advisor lay down the ten sacred laws to obey at all times! Follow Coralie’s sacred guidelines, and your blessed sex life shall thrive!

1 Thou shalt have no other babe but me!

Galileo may have proved the earth travels around the sun, but we still need to believe we’re the centre of your universe. So that means “eyes front, soldier” when we’re out with you. When I am with you, don’t ogle other women, no matter how hot you think they are. Trust me, they won’t be a patch on me when it counts! When I visit your place, for God’s sake, hide all the photos of you and your ex. That goes for any love letters and any cutesy cards she may have sent you too. I won’t think they are sweet, I’ll just think you are still hung up on her.

In Coralie’s experience...

I know that when I’m with a guy and he makes me feel like the centre of his world, I feel able to really let myself go and the naughty sex kitten in me comes out! I feel more confident and when I am in that frame of mind I feel eager to try new things and I get much dirtier much quicker!

2 Thou shalt get clean before getting dirty!

Guys, if you’ve been working hard all day, jump in the shower before jumping on us. You may think that the smell of manly sweat is a turn-on but it |really isn’t. After all, you expect us to be nice and clean, so show us some respect and follow suit.

In Coralie’s experience...

I once dated a guy who came home from a long, hot day at work. As soon as he came through the door, he wanted to get it on. He was sweaty and a bit smelly and it really put me off, so I suggested we hit the shower together. It was intimate and sexy as we made love in the shower, the hot water cascading over our bodies making it all the more pleasurable. And don’t forget to trim your pubes – how can you expect your girl to lick or suck your balls when it’s like a forest down there?

3 Thou shalt learn to use your tongue and love it!

Fellas, I can’t emphasise this one enough: learn to love licking the kitty! Remember, it is the most sensitive instrument, devoted purely to our pleasure, so be creative – start slowly, tease us little by little and gradually shift up a gear when you hear our moans of pleasure. Think of it as the most delicious ice cream on a hot summer’s day and your mission is to stop the ice cream from running down your hands. If you get bored (and why would you?) try spelling the alphabet on us. The different directions and pleasurable sensations will have us spelling out “Do me baby” in no time!

In Coralie’s experience...

I once dated a guy that was not into going down that much (he had such a bad experience with his ex, he was scared to venture down and taste mine). When he finally did go down, he realised how tasty it was and how much it turned me on. He really got into it. He was pissed off at himself for not trying it earlier! So guys, don’t let one bad experience scar you for life. You could be missing out on a whole world of orgasmic adventures!

4 Thou shalt give in order to receive!

If you want something, you have to be willing to offer it first. That means – unless you’re extremely lucky – do not ask for threesomes. If you do, be prepared for her to suggest a ménage à trois with another man making up the final third. “Ladies first” is an instruction not just confined to lifeboats – it counts in the bedroom as well. You must always make your lover come first.

In Coralie’s experience...

One of my worst ever sexual encounters was with a guy who was under the impression that sex was all about him. I went down on him, I rode him and it felt like I was only there to please him and he put in no effort. He came within a couple of minutes and I was left unsatisfied. The next time was exactly the same so I ended it. Sex is two-way street and can be mind-blowing when the two of you are into it and willing to please each other.

5 Thou shalt always use protection – without exception!

This is a non-negotiable, absolute law. In this day and age, safe sex is the rule, not the exception. The risk of STDs and complications – think pregnancy – is too high a price to pay for showering without a raincoat. Thankfully, with the varied condom range of flavours, colours, textures, ribs, bumps, buzzers and bigger sizes, you should have no trouble in finding something that can complement the fun in the bedroom.

In Coralie’s experience...

I recently bought this amazing fruit-flavoured Juicy Lube from the brand ID. They have a range of fab flavours, which makes it really tasty to lick off each other. Obviously, many boyfriends over the years have tried to have unprotected sex with me, but no way! If my boyfriend wants to have sex with me without a condom, I need to know that we are in a monogamous relationship and suggest we both to have a full STD and HIV test to make sure we are safe.

6 Thou shalt communicate!

Perhaps the most important of all commandments, communication is key to getting intimate – you’re communicating with your bodies, but also your minds as well, so being able to talk is vital. |Say what you like and what you don’t like. There is nothing sexier than a bit of dirty talk in the bedroom. Tell her you like what she’s doing, you like the feeling of this or that, that you find her the best, and so on. Get her to tell you what she likes and dislikes. She won’t mind and she will be happy that you care so much about her pleasure.

In Coralie’s experience...

I travel a lot for work so I spend a lot of time away from my man but we keep our sex life healthy by having phone sex and recently, Skype sex, which is even better! I can say things like “I want your big beast inside me”... and I can see it! It gets really steamy, I can tell you.

7 Thou shalt brush your teeth before morning sex!

If your mouth in the morning feels like the Armenian army has just walked over your tongue, it will probably taste like it too. Bad breath, furry teeth and dry lips are not the most seductive tools the morning after. Quickly! Whip into the bathroom and brush away the night’s fuzzy film. And if she’s still sleeping, then jump into the shower. You never know; the sound of the water might wake her and she may join you. There is nothing unsexier than bad breath in the morning, and that goes for us ladies as well. And no matter how much you love someone, it is still gross.

In Coralie’s experience...

As soon as we wake up, my boyfriend and I go to the bathroom to brush our teeth and gargle with mouthwash, before jumping back into bed for our morning session of lovemaking. Cleanliness is next to godliness, and we’re |your goddesses, remember?

8 Thou shalt not keep socks nor pyjamas on during sex!

A grown man naked apart from socks is not a good look. Just think how hot a girl looks wearing heels in bed, now reverse it 200 per cent. That’s how |you look in socks. Here’s a tip – remove socks before taking off trousers. Simple!

In Coralie’s experience...

When we first got together my boyfriend really shocked me. While I’m really into wearing matching lingerie, hold-up stockings and heels to bed, he would shag me with his pyjama bottoms on. It was |not erotic and really put me off, especially when I was always looking tiptop. Come on guys, make an effort! I don’t think any man in this day and age should even |wear pyjamas. If you must wear something to bed, I suggest a nice pair of white or black Calvin Klein boxer shorts. Now that is sexy!

9 Thou shalt be passionate and spontaneous!

Routine is tedious; routine is boring. Make your mind a version of naked twister, so we never know which limb is gonna be going where. And variety is the spice of life – so spice it up! Be creative and wow us with your unpredictability and spontaneity. Kiss us when we least expect it, seduce us then make love to us – we will appreciate the effort to keep us entertained and erotically excited!

In Coralie’s experience...

I once went to the movies with my boyfriend. The place was empty apart from one other couple sitting a long way from us. When I least expected it, my man started to kiss me and touch me. It was really sexy, one thing led to another and we made love doggy-style while still watching the film. My boyfriend is often shy and at times prudish. So this was |really hot...

10. Thou shalt give me your 100 per cent undivided attention in bed!

We want your undivided attention before, during and after sex. That means no calling out someone else’s name, not falling asleep straight afterwards, and a little bit of spooning only adds to the pleasure. Remember, you get out of sex what you put in. If you are stressed about work or thinking about the cricket scores, the sex will |not be good. Women can tell when their lover is thinking about something else. When you get involved, when you are mentally present, the sex is way better.

In Coralie’s experience...

When my man and I have sex we have one rule and that is to leave the worries and stresses of the day at the door so we can be totally into one another.


The man who did not obey...

Coralie’s commandments are derived from actual experiences that men have been lucky enough to share. Some of them, however, are lessons learnt from utter failure...

A few years ago I dated a guy for two months and it was a nightmare! He didn’t follow any of the commandments. He eyed up every hot woman he saw when we were out and he never made me feel particularly special. But I hoped that he would change. Before we had sex, we played around – I say “we”,  but it was actually just me going down on him. He never returned the favour. Finally, I stayed over at his, expecting a night of passion. What I got was anything but. He kept his pyjama bottoms and socks on when we had sex and begged not to use a condom. “My ex-girlfriend never made me use one,” he whined, “and it was great.” I refused and we used one... but he was useless! He was completely selfish and came in about two minutes. There was no passion, no foreplay. I could tell he wasn’t really there. Little things gave it away like him talking about the footy when he was inside me. As soon as he came, he said, “Phew I needed that” – just the sort of comment to make a girl feel special! I dumped him soon after...

First published in the FHM January 2010 issue.