Women are complicated, but worth the effort. A lot like rugby union football. And like rugger, you need to go through the phases if you're hoping to score...

Sex! After many a withering, post-coital look, FHM has come to realise that man's favourite physical activity might require more than an energetic scrum and a congratulatory slap on the butt once you've scored in the corner. But approaching sex like rugby can help explain the mysterious naked game of the wobbly bits. And no, not because there's a lot of sweating and grunting ­ because of her phases! The same way third- and fourth-phase possession is crucial to rugby success, sexual fulfilment requires taking your lady through several phases before you can score.

A woman's sexual response cycle can be divided into four stages. And no, these are not accepting a drink, going back to your place, admiring your manhood and later, whipping up breakfast. In each of these four phases, her body will be reacting in slightly different ways, and she will need to be stimulated differently to reach the next stage. We know, guys. Sounds helluva complicated, so FHM sexpert Dear Michelle has kindly broken it down for us...

PHASE 1: AROUSAL

What can you see and feel?
Her face and neck redden ­ the beginnings of a sex flush. Her nipples harden and her breasts swell slightly. Down below, blood rushes to her pelvis, her outer lips flatten and her inner lips swell. The clitoral head becomes erect and emerges from its hood. Her vaginal walls begin to "sweat" and her vagina becomes lubricated.

What's happening inside her?
The clitoral body ­ two "arms" along the sides of her vaginal opening ­ becomes engorged. The uterus (womb) and cervix are pulled upwards and the inner two thirds of the vagina expands.

How long does it last?
This phase should last at least 20 minutes, but can be sustained for hours.

Michelle Suggests
Wash your hair, put on a clean T-shirt and prepare to arouse your woman. What she needs first is mental stimulation, a touch of romance, and a hint of suggestive talk. Women don't have as direct a connection between arousal and desire as men do ­ just because her clitoris is erect, doesn't mean she's going to jump into bed with you. Most women consider a candlelit dinner and soft kissing a kind of foreplay. Intimacy pushes her psychological buttons. Whisper in her ear how beautiful she is, while entwining your fingers with hers. Send her flirty SMSes and start working her up before she even feels your lips.

Once you've wooed her into bed, stroke her skin all over  the "sex flush" shows that blood is rushing to her skin and it's sensitive. Her breasts will also respond well to licking and gentle squeezing. Touch her labia lightly, working your way down to the clitoris. It may be sensitive ­ so stroke from her pubic bone downwards, that way her clitoral hood protects the glans. She may not be fully lubricated yet, so use saliva or a bit of KY or Astroglide when rubbing her nubbin. Or you can always use the tip of your tongue.

PHASE 2: PLATEAU

What can you see and feel?
Her sex flush will spread and her breathing will deepen. Her muscles will tense. Looking at her genitals, you may see her inner labia have become swollen and turned a darker colour. You won't see the head of the clitoris anymore (when it first gets erect it looks like a tiny uncircumcised penis head), as its suspensory ligament contracts, pulling it under its hood.

What's happening inside her?
The clitoris is much larger than just the sensitive bump at the tummy-side meeting of her labia ­ it has a body of erectile tissue that stretches down each side of her vaginal opening. As this tissue becomes engorged, it forms what some scientists call the "clitoral cuff": that tight centimetre or two at the entrance to her love tunnel. The rest of her vagina "balloons", to make space for your penis. Her pelvic floor tenses and ligaments around her uterus contract, preparing for orgasm.

How long does it last?
As little as five minutes if she's highly aroused, but ideally you want to keep her in this state for about 30 minutes.

Michelle Suggests
This is the good part, where she starts to lose it. You can rub her clitoris with rhythmic, firm strokes ­ her glans is protected under its swollen hood. She will respond well to cunnilingus and you can rub her vaginal entrance and carefully insert a finger or two. Endorphins ­ the same hormones that are triggered by a long, hard run ­ will be pumping through her body. This induces a feeling of euphoria and also dulls pain slightly. Introduce teeth (playfully, don¹t bite) and scratch her lightly. If she likes dirty talk, now's the time to start the pussy poetry.

She may slip back to arousal phase ­ you'll feel her relax a bit and her lubrication may stop temporarily. Slow down and build her up to the plateau again. Don't think "what the hell" and penetrate her anyway ­ a woman who is only aroused is not ready for your penis, and she won't enjoy the sex.

Spend at least ten minutes playing with her while she's in this phase, before entering her. A woman takes longer than a man to come ­ you don't want to finish before she's even close.

As her tension builds (she digs her nails in, starts gasping, etc) you want to keep up a sustained rhythm in whichever method you're using to stimulate. However, if you know her well and feel confident, you can vary your strokes and/or licks to keep her in a delicious pre-orgasm limbo. Some women feel unable to let go, and stay in the plateau phase. If she can come through masturbation, encourage her to play with herself. If she learns to feel comfortable orgasming with you there, she may later relax enough to let you make her come. However, many women won't feel comfortable masturbating themselves. Spend more time and effort on the arousal phase and keep up the mental and romantic stimulation through the plateau phase. Most women's inability to orgasm is psychological (although antidepressants can affect libido).

PHASE 3: ORGASM

What can you see and feel?
Her muscles will tense all over, from her toes to her face. Her back might arch. She may release a small amount of alkaline fluid, also known as a female ejaculation.

What's happening inside her?
Muscular tension is released in a series of contractions in the pelvic wall and vagina. The first few are most intense and happen at intervals of one every 0,8 seconds, the rest of the contractions are more random. She will normally have from three to 15 contractions. Her sphincter muscles will contract, and inside her body, her uterus also contracts.

How long does it last?
Less than a minute.

Michelle Suggests
Keep doing what you're doing! Remember, this lasts less than a minute, so start slowing whatever you're doing after about 20 seconds (yeah, right, like you're counting!) She may push your hand or tongue away, as her clitoris will become sensitive again.

Before she comes, she may feel as though she is floating and about to fall. Her orgasm feels like a hot wave or an electric current, starting in her pelvis and radiating out through her body. You might want to consider bringing her to orgasm with your hand or mouth before you have sex. It'll be so sexy that you¹re sure to come quite quickly, and she won't have the pressure of having to come during penetrative sex, which a lot of women struggle with. Some women can ride the resolution phase (phase 4) and will be able to experience further pleasurable spasms during post-orgasm sex. She may even have another orgasm or two.

PHASE 4: RESOLUTION

What can you see and feel?
Her genitals will slowly become less swollen, her breathing will slow and her flush will dissipate.

What's happening inside her?
Her vagina and uterus are returning to their relaxed size and position. The blood drains from her erectile tissue. Her brain is releasing a hormone called oxytocin.

How long does it last?
From five to ten minutes.

Michelle Suggests
Once you come, you lose your erection pretty quickly. A woman's genitals take a few more minutes to detumesce and they aren't quite as sensitive as a man's after orgasm ­ which explains why sometimes you can stimulate a woman to arousal quite easily again.

In the normal course of things (when you're not having wild, multi-orgasmic sex), this is snuggle time for women. Her body has released oxytocin, which is also released when a woman gives birth. It makes her want to bond and cuddle and fills her with love. But here's a surprise:­ you are flooded with oxytocin too. Don't fight it, stroke her hair. This is the time when you can secure her love, if that's what you want, by spending a few minutes cherishing her. She also has a biological urge to sleep (this helps reproduction because lying still gives the sperm more chance to get to the egg. Though you, of course, have probably been wearing a man-tadpole body bag). She just wants to fall asleep holding your hand.

First published in the FHM October 2005 issue.