No Ferrari? Face unworthy of radio even? Only ever get fan mail from your medical aid? Never fear; you could still hook an FHM cover babe. Here's how...

FIRST CONTACT
The time: always fashionably late.

The place: any smokin' hot nightclub. Meeting a babe of pants-tearing hotness can be a moment of sheer terror. What to do? What to say? What to... Oh, never mind ­ she's leaving on the arm of that doos who nosed his Ferrari into the last parking spot ahead of you. Apart from a car that'd cost you approximately two decades' worth of pay cheques, what the hell has he got that you haven't? Confidence as Neil Strauss explains in his pick-up artist exposé, The Game, the number-one feature of the alpha male is confidence. When you walk into a place, smile! 

"Look together. Look fun. Look like you're somebody," he says. "Look like the social hub of the room."

Move fast: Once you spot that staggeringly beautiful honey, don't peel the label off your beer bottle while trying to think of some lame one-liner; you won't need one. Don't hesitate. Approach her and her friends immediately before you lose your balls. Rarely will you find a beautiful woman alone, and you don't need to talk directly to this megababe just yet.

Get talking: Walk up to the group and say something like, "Let me ask you ladies a quick question: are guys still allowed to wear pink shirts?" Women jump at a chance to give their opinion. It doesn't matter what you ask them, they'll soon be chattering. 

Important: While all these girls are talking to you, don't eyeball the hottie or chat her up. She's used to being the centre of attention. She may not realise it, but the fact that you're unaffected by her charms will subconsciously bother her. She¹ll eventually try and engage you.

Her move: Once the two of you are chatting, remember the female of the species is naturally touchy-feely. If she's interested, she'll find an innocent excuse to make contact ­ brush your arm as she reaches for her cocktail, or put a hand on your shoulder if she is standing next to you. Do not touch her first! Women are threatened by this, or they will label you a man-whore. Suggest she join you at a table or sit where she can still see her friends, which will make her more comfortable.

STAMINA IS EVERYTHING
Should your beauty deign to take you to a more intimate setting, say your place, this isn't the time to hump this divine creature's leg like an overexcited puppy. Just the thought of being alone with her may cause you to shoot your load. This could explain why men with cars, cash or sporting skills do so well. Psychologically, they assume that success in other areas means they won't "blow it" in the bedroom ­ an assumption that becomes self-fulfilling. Here are a few tips that'll help you cope when she unhooks her bra...

Bad habits die soft: Coming in under a minute is nothing to boast about. What you've been doing since you discovered the one-eyed trouser snake during adolescence is training yourself to ejaculate faster than a three-second fuse on a grenade. If it takes the average woman 20 minutes to reach orgasm from foreplay to finish, well... you do the maths.

Squeeze technique: Developed by sex therapists Masters and Johnson, you can practise this alone. Ensure you have an empty bladder. Log on to your favourite porn site and take matters into your own hand. As you're about to ejaculate, stop and squeeze the tip of your penis, placing the thumb and forefinger just below the glans (head). Once the urge passes, go at it again. Repeat this process a few times before giving in. Build yourself up to last for about 20 minutes.

The condom is your friend: Not only is slipping on a condom before getting jiggy simple sex etiquette, that sheath of latex also desensitises the penis. While this is usually a major complaint, in this situation you should send a silent thanks up to the latex gods before diving in.

Testicle tug boat: Michael Alvear, author of The Sex Inspector's Masterclass, suggests: "As you approach orgasm, your testicles move towards your body. Pulling them down can delay orgasms. If you feel yourself getting close, grab your scrotum just above the testicles and tug gently."

ORAL EXAM
Until you've mastered the secrets of Hulk-like stamina, be a gent and leave your trigger-happy tommy gun out of the equation completely. As agony aunt/porn star Tera Patrick points out,"Technique is vital! Know how to use your tongue as a sexual slurping machine, ­it's the difference between a one-night stand and a repeat performance."

With these oral tips from Tracey Cox's Supersex, your superbabe will keep coming back for more...

Palm reader: Instead of the usual trial-and-error method of spelling out the alphabet when performing oral sex, get your ten-out-of-tenner to lick the palm of your hand the way she¹d like you to lick her.

Treasure island: Having a spot of bother finding her particular hot spot? Get her to guideyou by forming a "V" with her fingers. She can direct you where she'd like you to concentrate by placing the "V" over that area.

Tongue tips: Your top tongue tip is not to use the tip of your tongue at all! (Try saying that five times fast.) Use the flat of your tongue and keep it relaxed. Try upward strokes around the clitoris, slow circles around the circumference or a lapping motion. "If you notice her clitoris shrinking or retracting back under the hood of skin, you're being too rough," warns Tracey.

Switch sides: One side of the clitoris can contain more pleasure sensors than the other. Gain greater access to one side by asking your honey to bend one leg at the knee, angled out, with the other leg straightened out in line with her body. No reaction? Try switching.

Rock bottom: You can create a particularly pleasurable sensation while feasting, by reaching around and taking a firm grip on her bottom! Using both hands, give them a squeeze and make circular movements. This indirectly stimulates the anal area that's packed to the brim with tingling nerve endings.

Don't stop: As she approaches orgasm, don¹t switch techniques on her or you'll have your ears ripped off! When you're starting to get to know each other sexually, it can be tough to tell when she's coming. Find that perfect rhythm and keep licking. She'll push you away once she's orgasmed, as the clitoris becomes exquisitely sensitive afterwards.

Follow these techniques and your supermodel-esque girl will be hugely grateful to be with a man who takes the time to satisfy her. She doesn't really need a man who can make his pectorals dance, and she'll completely overlook the fact that you drive a Golf Chico and have a newspaper route. As Tera explains, "Most women like a nice, long session of getting head just as much as you do! I like a man to start slow, teasing me a little,­ he needs to be patient and the rewards will be plentiful!"

MONEY CAN'T BUY LOVE
While your superbabe might be used to showers of gifts and expensive tributes to her beauty, you can impress her with your thoughtfulness. Appeal to her sentimentality. Pay attention! Make notes, if you must! If she trusts you enough to open up, show her you¹re actually listening ­ not just watching those luscious lips form sexy shapes. She might be so hot it's like staring into the sun, but she is human.

A few ideas: If she shares a happy memory, try duplicate the experience for her. Or cook for her! She¹ll love the gesture, even if it's a flop. Get a guitar-strumming hippie to stand outside her window with you while you serenade her with "your" song. Many a babe started out as an "ugly duckling", and she hasn't forgotten it she never placed herself on that pedestal! Show your superbabe you'll be there for those bad hair days and she'll stick around, too.

FROM THE MOUTHS OF BABES...
FHM's favourite tenners tell us what the average bloke can do to impress them!