Hacking the grid #5

FHM’s resident NFL enthusiast unravels the mysteries of gridiron/American football so he isn’t the only Saffer waking up at 1am to watch the Superbowl in February.

Like we pointed out last week, the NFL focuses on a strength versus strength philosophy and also favours local derbies (which also increases the crowd attendence and fierceness of the rivalries). And the key to those fierce rivalries are the East, North, South and West divisions within each conference. A good way to profile the teams is to put them in context with the division they compete in. We’ll start with the AFC EAST:  

Buffalo Bills

Hometown Buffalo, New York  

Stadium Ralph Wilson Stadium  

Head Coach Dick Jauron

The Bills can only be described as the AFC East whippin’ boys. And a frail defence and not-that-impressive offence suggest that they will retain that title and their 2008 position at the bottom of the division. Although a bold trade for the Dallas Cowboys’ WR Terrell Owens does suggest improvement to their attack, third year QB Trent Edwards still needs a lot more time in the pocket to make full use of his monster arm to get the ball to Owens. Marshawn Lynch is a great RB, but again it’ll be hard for him to play to his potential if the line doesn’t create holes for him.

What the Bills do have though are a legion of passionate supporters who will not hesitate to laugh at the failings of their divisional rivals and are exceptionally quick to boast at the achievements of their beloved team. They’re like a pre-moneybags Manchester City who will always live in the shadow of a bigger team in their city.  

Miami Dolphins  

Hometown Miami, Florida  

Stadium Landshark Stadium  

Head Coach Tony Sparano

The Dolphins were the surprise package of the 2008 season. After snatching up the Jets’ discarded starting QB Chad Pennington, they had a solid passing game and then tossed out the regulation NFL playbook. Enter the Wildcat offence and many other variations that kept rival offensive coordinators up all night. The season culminated in a division win that belied their 14 losses from the previous season. Expect the Dolphins to build on last season’s success, but also remember that the rest of the NFL will be ready for the Wildcat this time. Drafting in QB/WR Pat White will give them even more flexibility on offence and there defence is a steadily improving unit.

Miami is a party town and the Dolphins’ fans are big fans of big parties. The carnival atmosphere around Landshark Stadium makes it a great place to watch your football and the ‘Phins culture and location – at the coast – is like the Stormers down in Cape Town.  

New York Jets  

Hometown East Rutherford, New Jersey  

Stadium Giants Stadium  

Head Coach Rex Ryan

The Jets are the glamour team in New York. They have the money to go after the big signings (they brought in future Hall Of Fame QB Brett Favre last year) and always make interesting personnel changes. In new coach Rex Ryan – former defensive coordinator at the Baltimore Ravens – they have someone who’s inexperienced at that level, but also a proven defensive mastermind who also worked with a high profile rookie QB last year (Joe Flacco). The Jets seem to have cast aside last year’s disappointment of narrowly missing out on the playoffs and are already using words like swaggerliscious when describing the new team atmosphere. FS Kerry Rhodes and MLB Bart Scott are among the big names on defence and QBs Kellen Clemens and rookie Mark Sanchez are making name because of their on-going competition for the starting job. If the Jets want to have a genuine Superbowl chance, they’ll have to bring in a big name WR and make a decision about their starting QB.

Jets fans are very fickle. Majority are trendy, Manhattan residents and will quickly turn on under-performing players, but also long for the old days when Joe “Broadway Joe” Namath led them to a Superbowl 3 in 1969. Newcastle and their obsession with Alan Shearer and Kevin Keegan are the only way to some up this crowd, but the team and trendy location is very reminiscent of post-Abromovich Chelsea and London’s West End.

New England Patriots  

Hometown Foxborough, Massachusetts  

Stadium Gillette Stadium  

Head Coach Bill Belichick

The boys from Boston are a major force in the NFL and at the centre of their recent success (three Superbowls between 2001 and 2005 and a 21-game winning streak) is QB Tom Brady. Patriots’ fans were devastated when there favourite player went down injured in the first game of last season, but still rallied around backup QB Matt Cassel as he led them to a three-way tie for divisional honours going into the last week of the season (the Dolphins eventually won the division). Well, with Randy Moss as your go-to WR it is easy for any QB to flourish in the Pats, setup and head Coach Bill Belichick will always have an ace up his sleeve when the going gets tough. The Patriots will probably remain the team to beat in the AFC East, but the Jets and the Dolphins will be turning up the heat.

There’s only one team to compare to the Pats and that’s the Crusaders. All you have to do is substitute the name Dan Carter with Tom Brady and you’ll have an understanding of how important a player Giselle Bunchden’s baby daddy is to football in Boston.

That's all for now sportsfans, next week we'll look at the AFC North.